I recently spoke to a group of professional women who work in a markedly male dominated industry.  They had asked me to talk with them about how women can thrive and be successful in an environment that, in subtle and not so subtle ways, discounts and dismisses the natural inclinations of women.

 The stories they shared about being left out of meetings, being given only lip service  when they shared their ideas, being talked over by those larger and louder than they brought to mind my own similar experiences and the pain and impact on my confidence those experiences had caused.  Several of these women talked about having worked hard to function like the men around them, talking tough, being inflexible, even threatening in order to get their way.  A couple of others spoke about their fall back style (if being macho didn’t work) being to manipulate, using those feminine wiles we all learned about early in life.  As the storytelling came to an end, I asked the group if either of these techniques had helped create an environment in which they felt respected, acknowledged, and valued. The silence in the room was thick; finally a few of the women began shaking their heads, indicating that neither of those extremes had proven useful in an positive and ongoing way. And the rest of the group admitted to feeling frustrated and relatively insignificant when in the presence of the men who dominated their environment and their industry (and in some cases, maybe their lives).

We were talking about an environment sorely out of balance.  Strong on the masculine, not so strong on the feminine. Any environment, any situation lacking balance can only, eventually if not immediately, reach a critical point at which the choices are change (get back into balance), or fall apart.  It’s much like a chair that has had a leg removed; it still looks like a chair, still has the same purpose, but can no longer function as intended because, in lacking balance, it lacks the stability needed in order to perform.  Balance is notably absent in many industries, many if not most governments, numerous religions, and certainly in many families. True balance requires equal emphasis on the gifts of the masculine and the gifts of the feminine.  By valuing only (or primarily) what males bring to the workplace or anywhere else, the possibility of achieving real and comprehensive success in both life and work becomes only a fantasy.  By focusing only or primarily on the inherent gifts of the feminine in work and life, we ensure that there will be as much imbalance.  To be fully present and fully functioning, we must choose to recognize, honor, and embrace our inherent gifts (whatever our gender) while developing those that may not be as natural to us but are as important.  Men who know how to gather relevant information and take effective action but who haven’t developed the ability to intuit, to nurture, to operate from a place of compassion will find themselves feeling incomplete (whether they express that or not); women who focus only on their natural ability to connect, relate, comfort, and nurture may find themselves less confident than they need to be when it comes to taking action and making things happen for the greater good.

In my next posting I’ll share ideas about how women can bring crucial balance to life by honoring the feminine while learning to develop greater inner balance between their own feminine and masculine energies.